Ray Hodge Commentary

 

          Since Roman and Shakespearean times people have spoken proverbially, in saying, "Familiarity breeds contempt." The often-used expression describes a situation with which many of us are acquainted and which is often true. The concept is that people may see so much of each other and may come to know each other so well that being together is unwelcome and repulsive for one or both parties. Seeing so much of one another may even cause loss of respect and the denial of common courtesies. People may be around others so much that they get “sick and tired” of them. A biblical proverb echoes that sentiment in saying, “Withdraw thy foot from thy neighbor’s house; lest he be weary of thee, and so hate thee,” or “Seldom set foot in your neighbor’s house - - too much of you, and you will be hated.”

            Someone may remark, "Oh, he or she is such a nice person," only to hear in response, "You wouldn't say that if you knew him like I do or if you had to live or work with her." People working so closely in an office, desk beside desk, hearing each other's conversations and telephone communications, observing each other's behavior and idiosyncracies, can become disgusted and say “I can’t stand him.” In such cases, a person can become abrasive and insulting in conversations and uncooperative in working with others. Even a husband and wife, who before marriage could not see enough of each other, may discover that their increased familiarity can turn the relationship sour when they work together in an office all day or when the husband has his office at home. Eating the same food, dining in the same restaurant, visiting a particular place or person, or pursuing the same pastime may provide an occasional respite, but doing the same thing over and over can become boring, if not loathsome.

            Years ago before refrigeration came to most homes, eating homemade ice cream was an infrequent delicacy. It was so desirable that it was rare for anyone to ask what flavor it was, because almost any kind was a welcome treat. While most of us may still like ice cream, as I do, the distinctive pleasure of eating it has lost much of its former excitement, because of its ready availability. Many home refrigerators and freezers today stock two or three kinds of ice cream for eating by all comers at any time. Because of this easy access, there is no way children or adults can experience the excitement of eating ice cream the way some of us remember enjoying it occasionally on those hot summer days. Too much "togetherness" can turn minor dislikes into major problems. In many ways familiarity does breed contempt. It is not necessarily true what people sometimes sing in usually pleasant surroundings:
            The more we get together, together, together,
            The more we get together the happier we'll be.

            This proverbial saying has another side, however, because it may turn out just the opposite for us. Sometimes people get a bad first impression about something or someone, only to experience a complete change of mind after they get to know people and things which at first, were distasteful. Any one of us might recall how over time we changed our mind about a person, a place, a food, or a book, after getting better acquainted. You may remember Anna, in "The King and I," singing:
                        Getting to know you
                        Getting to know all about you.
                        Getting to like you
                        Hoping that you like me.

            With desire and effort we can cultivate a fondness for some people and things, which at first may have been disliked by us. Consider some of the things we eat and like. Did we like them at first? Probably not! As children, there were things most of us did not like the first time we tasted them. Few little ones like the taste of spinach, liver, country ham, barbeque, coffee, sour pickles, buttermilk, sauerkraut, or olives. Over time, however, a taste for these and other things may change, so that they became preferred delicacies. Of course there may be some people and things, not liked on first impression or taste, or even after many experiences with them. But time can bring toleration, acceptance, and partiality for formerly undesirable people and food. Perhaps some who would never drink coffee came to like it. Or if they preferred having it with cream and sugar came to like it black. Some with a sweet tooth may have come to like cereal or tea without sugar. I have known people who ate spaghetti without meat sauce and pancakes without syrup. During my teenage military service I met some young people in the Midwest, who were surprised that I ate banana sandwiches, their having never heard of them. My surprise was greater when one of them spread mustard on chocolate cake. Yuk! Somehow that never became popular for most of us.

            It is the same with our cultivation of a taste for certain people. Some who “turned us off” at first may have become close friends. We either discovered another side of the person which we had not seen or we cultivated an acceptance based on necessity or friendship.

            Considering all of this, it really is such a waste for us to miss out on some good food, some delightful place, or possibly a potential lifelong friend because we let an initial bad impression turn us away. Similarly, some others may have shut us out without ever knowing us because they were less than pleased with their first impression.

            The truth is that familiarity can add much to our lives, while salvaging some of the things and people we may have rejected at first. Life is too short for us to miss out on so much diversity and many of its wonderful persons and pleasures because we too hastily are turned off by bad first impressions.